It’s like Hollyoaks, only real life!

This week, has been…hell. Monday night, I had a friend call my mobile constantly because I wouldn’t answer the phone for her only to then call me on my home phone, talk to me about something that I don’t care about but I’m involved in anyway for about 3 hours only for her to cry the whole while. Tuesday was shit because she came in to see me, but hardly spoke to me anyway, she went to sort out her problem with her boyfriend. She called me up Tuesday night saying things were getting shit again then ended the conversation saying everything will be alright and today, I’ve just been talking to someone I’ve known and thought I was close to for around 4 or 5 years. Whatever advice I give to them, they don’t listen and still come back moaning to me. I don’t want to keep being the shoulder to cry on. I can’t get my work done when someone calls me up for 3 hours. I had to finish my assignments during class. I’m sick of this. I want to do well at College, and you are bringing me down. I want to make something of myself, as you said on Tuesday. I’m fed up of this.

“Too much has changed, I hate this place but I don’t want to leave it this way.” - You Me At Six.

Those lyrics pretty much describe what it’s like for me now, perfectly. I am not going to get through these next 1 and a half years of College alone with you.

Rant #2

What is it with people talking about X fucking Factor? I know who’s been getting through and who’s not and who sucks and who looks shit on the show because everyone seems to be talking about it. I just dont understand how many people can watch some group of shit judges tell musicians and artists that they are not good enough to get through. Who are they to tell them if they have talent or not. it’s their personal opinion, where’s the fucking logic in that? Waste. Of. Money. AND! The only people that do get in always look so good! What’s up with that? I hate how the music industry has come to that. If a new band comes out and they don’t look ‘hot’ enough, they wont get signed,  If someone doesn’t look how society wants a musician to look like now-a-days, it won’t matter if they’re the best singer in the world, i can bet they won’t win. Leona Lewis, Alexandria Burke, Girls Aloud – they’re all pretty. All they do is sing and dance though. There isn’t much talent behind that, is there? I admire people that can actually PLAY instruments and that are actually good.

Oh, and while I’m here, out of the 19 online contacts I have on MSN. Not one of those has said hello to me this evening. Not one of those would even care if I’m here or not no doubt. The only texts I receive are from facebook! And the only person that comments me on facebook is someone who’s from the same gene pool as I am. I should quit moaning, but it’s so damn good. I have nothing better to do with my life, than to log on here every night and find something to talk about to the zero people that read this. Life, not well spent. ‘You can change that!’ I get told, oh no. I try and do something, or go out with friends or do something but everyone is busy! Everyone! All the time! Fuck it.

Rant #1.

I just read on something called ‘Bluelight’ (which is a forum i had no idea existed ’til 20 minutes ago) and it had an entry about a pupil that went to my old school.
She died due to solvent inhalation. When I was at that school, many people would spread rumors and say that she killed her self on purpose or she had an argument with her family and decided to take her own life to ‘teach them a lesson’. In all honesty, I know that is far from the truth. I used to see her round at lunch and break. She was a quite girl, she got on with her work and she kept her head down. She was starting to make new friends and really enjoy it there. I think I only spoke to her once or twice, so I didn’t know her personally. After the school told us, we held a memorial. ‘Sleeping With The Lights On’ by Busted was her favorite song and therefore they played it as a farewell gesture. I can’t listen to that song anymore and not remember her.

Even though I didn’t know her, her sudden death still affected me. It made me scared. What if I lost someone close to me as unexpectedly as her mother and family and friends lost her? She never got to say goodbye. If she had, would it have been that hard? Even harder? People should value their lives and make the most of what they have and not dwell on the things that don’t matter.

To read some of the comments underneath that post made me angry. Who would laugh at something like that? It’s sick. Some poor girl has just lost their life, and some moron laughs at the post about it because her mother ‘said something in a funny way’ there was nothing humous about what she said. She just lost a fucking child. People now-a-days are sick. If someone wrote that about my sister, or child, I would be in pieces. You want to keep their memory alive and you want to remember them for all the happiness they brought you and someone makes a fucking joke out of it? Get a fucking life.

I still remember the memorial. I still remember sitting down to tea and listening to the news about it. I still remember the teachers and classmates crying. I still remember her.

Rest In Peace Charlotte Henshaw.

hey happiness, not so fast!

I forgot I had this. Well, lets see, I’ll start from the beginning. Summer was crap. I did nothing at all. Sixth Form started in September, I was put back down a year and it was pretty pants to begin with. I did start with Film, Theatre and Travel and Tourism but I quit Film to do ICT. I am so far behind in ICT it is unreal. But I really am not bothered, I have all of half term to catch up, I guess. You know, I can so tell that I’m not going to do well this year. Fuck it.

I saw All Time Low like two weeks ago. Must say, one of the best gig’s I’ve been too since You Me At Six and The Audizzle way back in March ’08. ATL are such nice and funny guys. It was such a rad time, except from when I got shoved back to like the middle of the crowd, then with people crushing me from all angles and the smoke machines, I saw someone I recognised in the crowd. Our entire conversation involved the sentences:  ’Hey, I know you!’ ‘Oh yeah! Hey!’ Then, que gag reflex and I made a hasty retreat before I could vomit over him. Nice one.

Then, lets see. Nothing really interesting has happened. I had a cervical cancer jab today. 2 of 3 it was. The nurse was pretty strange though. Asking me questions about things I didn’t really care about and what not. And now, I can’t actually raise my arm higher than my head.

Got a few good tings to look forward to;

Bury Sound – If it was as good as UV was. I cannot wait

Halloween party

Deaf Havana & PTT (Y)

Blessthefall – You do not understand how happy getting those tickets made me!

Paramore + You Me At Six

Alps.

I’ll miss all my babes while I’m away though. I’m going to miss New Years. Actually so gutted. Anyway, that’s pretty much it. Lame? Yes.

P.S If you have the time, or money, pick up (if you haven’t already) ‘Witness’ by Blessthefall, ‘Stand Up And Scream’ by Asking Alexandria and ‘Brand New Eyes’ by Paramore. Money well spent

22nd July 2009

I don’t know why i’m here really. I don’t mean ‘life’, I mean blogging. Seemed like something to do. To pass the time.

Seeing as it’s summer now I should really do something productive. I’ve been off for a month and so far all i’ve managed to do is read a few books and go slightly insane. I’m doubting this summer will be better than lasts. Though, 2008 was just a bad year in general. It’s almost August. Where has the year gone? I’ve got what, just under 2 months left, if that. I’m going to Wales on Tuesday for 3 weeks. Don’t get me wrong, I love Wales. Just for that long? No. I’d rather be home, with my friends. I don’t get time to chill with them anymore. I tried getting us all together at the weekend, but one of them said she was busy painting. Sure I can understand that, but i’m going away for a while, and you’d rather paint walls than see me for just a few hours? Nice? I hardly see her at all as it is because she’s always with her other half. Sure, i’m happy she has him and he has her, but I haven’t had a decent get together just me and her and the others minus her boyfriend or the texts. We don’t get any time just us. After a year and a bit, it kinda gets boring only seeing her at school. And it’s not like she’s my only friend. I do have others, they just have other halves too or other friends. Maybe i’m not trying hard enough with them. I don’t really make plans anymore. Well, I do try. Maybe i’m not trying enough…

I’ve also been worrying about next year, I got kept down a year to do a NATS Course, this is like a Business course thingame that just basically helps you decide what to do with your life. I’m regretting it now though. I’m being put in with the new Year 12′s. I’m going to have to repeat most of what i’ve done for the past 12 months. I’m also going to have to get along with people i’ve despised since they arrived here. I’m not exactly a overly confident person, which means I won’t talk to people I don’t know. Can you see the problems? Yeah I can too. My friends will be in Year 13 when we go back in September. Which will be strange as my sister will be in the year above (we’re triplets, so it’ll be weird that we’re separated). My friends inc my sister will leave for Uni or whatever next September while i’ll still be with the lower year. I’m going to miss them so much, I don’t know if i’d be able to last a year without seeing them at College. Guess i’ll have too. They won’t be there to make things easier for me forever. 

Another thing that’s been bothering me is that because i’ve got two years of College left, I won’t leave this town until i’m at least 20. That probably doesn’t sound daunting to anyone else but me. It’s because I want to get out and live a little. I’m sick of doing what i’m told. School, work, listen to others etc. Sure, I know I have too, but i’d like to do something I WANT to do. Even if it’s something small, I want to achieve something before I die (which could be in 2012, when the world is suppose to ‘end’, if that were the case, i would have half a year to do what I wanted to do. Lame?), I don’t want to live life like most people; School, Work, Death. Where’s the fun? You only live once, so I don’t want to waste it, cheers. I’ll keep wishing for now though. That’s all I can do. Just wish away. 

Anyway, that’s about it for now. All the thoughts from my head laid out for you to read. It’s not interesting, so if you’ve read this far, have a gold star. 

Love. x